mommyof3boys

i am going into a local country radio station this after noon to weigh in. they are doing a weight loss contest and whoever loses the highest percentage of weight (there are 2 person teams, my mom is doing it with me) wins 1500 dollars. I feel like if it were just the number of pounds lost i could do very well because i am very overweight and i lose weight quickly when i actually try. a percentage might be bad for me though because i am starting out so high. either way, a chance at $1500 dollars for losing the weight i want to lose anyways sounds like some awesome motivation. so the next weigh in to end the contest is October 16. I have really fallen off the bandwagon here since my divorce, but now i am going to get back up and try again. wish me luck!!!

So on Tuesday, my soon-to-be ex-husband moved out of our home and into an apartment with his new girlfreind. I cried when we went to leave his house. I know this is for the best, but it is not what I planned when I thought about our life together. *sigh* Well, I guess life goes on, and the stress in my life is down significantly, just in the last couple days since he left.

However, now that a major source of stress in my life is gone, I need to get back to work on me. I was doing good with my weightloss when I first got on here, but over the last couple weeks, it has hovered in the same area. I know it isn’t a plateau. I am definitely not working at losing weight like I should. So, here and now, I am making my vow to put my health first (or at least close to it) on my priority list. Good luck to me, and everyone else out there going through the same struggles.

Some of these measurements seem weird to me, but maybe some are going up because I am building up muscle underneath all this fat. At least that is what I am telling myself right now. My waist does seem to be shrinking slightly though, and my clothes are fitting a little better, so hopefully this will continue. I have lost 10 pounds in the last month and I am going to work much harder this month.

i did so wonderful most of the day yesterday. ate well. drank lots of water. then my husband came home. i ate chips, guacamole, diet pop and girl scout cookies. he was yelling about late fees on movies. he hasn’t been home in days, the boys have been wild, they have taken our taxes to pay his drivers responsibility fees and back child support. that totals like 5,000 and he is upset with me over 10 dollars in late fees. AAGGGHHHH!!!!

My husband and I still live together even though we are getting divorced because he has nowhere else to go. it is killing me inside to live with him, as this divorce was his idea. It got worse the other day though because i walked by his room and overheard his leaving a message for his apparent girlfriend on her voicemail. i just walked down the hall and out the back door. i kept walking for about an hour. i called freinds and cried. i kept walking until i had calmed down enough to be sane. i knew that this moment was coming but that wasnt how i wanted to find out. knowing that he has moved on is distressing. even though he still says everything he knows i want to hear, and nothing has really changed in our relationship except that we have separate bedrooms. (that tells you a little of how dysfunctional we were before.) he is still intimate with me knowing that i have no plans to start dating anytime soon and that i want to focus on me and the boys. i need to start respecting myself enough to tell him to get lost, but it is so hard when i am always telling myself that he still cares or else he wouldnt be there. i know that is a lie, and he is full of them. god give me strength to get rid of him.

the one good thing that came out of this is that normally i would have dove into a quart of ice cream and ate it all while i cried, but this time i went out and walked. although i have regained a lot of the weight that i had originally lost because my eating habits were returning the last couple days while i was off, but hopefully i can learn to deal with the stress in my life by exercising instead of eating.

Last night I sat down and took a lot of my measurements. I have read that sometimes it helps to be able to keep track of inches because they may still be going down, even if the pounds are not. Seeing some of these are really depressing. My thighs are bigger than my waist used to be. My stomach has doubled in size! And to think, I used to believe that I was fat.

I have also read that when a woman’s waist circumference is above 35 it means that you are at a greater risk of cardiovascular problems than someone with a smaller waist circumference. I need to make sure that I am healthy for my boys and myself.

I hope that by posting this every four weeks I will be able to inspire others to lose weight along with me. I know that it is very depressing when I look at all the weight i have to lose, but I know I can do it.

“A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.” - Confucius

Today is Friday April 24, 2009. I weighed myself this morning and I weighed 271.1 pounds. This is my highest weight and it is very depressing. I am trying to redo a lot in my life and I hope that by incorporating weight loss and exercise into my daily routine that I will be able to set a better example for my three boys. Josh and I are getting divorced and it will be final on June 29. I am horribly in debt and my $10 a day McDonald’s habit isn’t helping.  I am stressed, overtired, burned out, crabby, overweight, blah blah blah. I hope that sharing this with all of you out there will give me someone to commiserate with and also to be held accountable to. Soon to come, embarrassing pics. Hopefully, the last of them…